Hi Friends and Family-
We hope this email finds you well. That you had a fun and sweet time celebrating Christmas, and are ready to welcome this new year. I am feeling weary on a lot of levels and truly plan to keep this brief.
I am 37 weeks pregnant and had my appointments this morning with both the midwives and then the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialists. It was, I think, our last ultrasound and round of appointments and I feel very thankful to be wrapping this up. We have had amazing care, but I'm just tired of the process by now. Tired of the anticipation and the emotional exhaustion surrounding these appointments. I had been hoping over the past week that I was feeling little feet kicking my ribs and that Blake had decided to get himself out of the breech position he has been in since 20 weeks. I do think I've felt some feet kicking, but that's apparently because he likes them up next to his face!! Our little guy is still in the breech position, and I've just decided to be okay with that. Due to his positioning, and the fact that he is a little too fragile to try to reposition, they went ahead and scheduled my c-section for Monday, January 12th at 9 am. I will be 39 weeks pregnant exactly on that day, and this is what they think is the best route. They will take an ultrasound that morning just to be sure he hasn't flipped, and then go from there. I'm not going to lie... I've done a good bit of crying today. For all kinds of reasons... Because I'm tired of all this. Tired of getting my hopes up for something... anything... to change. And it doesn't. I want to feel like I've had just a small answer to my prayers. A c-section feels very invasive and scary compared to my experience with Jane. But I also know that there are some good things about this. We have a date to put on our calendars when we will be able to actually take the next step in what has been a long journey. It will be a pretty known and controlled environment, and maybe God knew I didn't need all the unknowns and what-ifs of labor. Either way, I am trying to look at it as positively as I can right now. The doctor told me today that no matter what happens as Blake makes his entrance, he will be taken to the NICU for very close monitoring and observation. It's good that we know a few specifics to expect on that day, and are thankful as the unknown becomes just a little more known.
So, like I said.... we are weary of this process. But we are also trying to enjoy and soak up the moments in these next 10 days. To enjoy time together, to play with Jane, and just let life be as normal as possible. Thanks for continuing to love us and pray for us as we do this. Please continue to pray for Jane, that things can seem as normal and stable as possible for her in what feels very, very abnormal. That we will have wisdom and grace to deal with each situation as it arises, and we would choose what is best forBlake, for Jane and for us. That we will continue to know peace that is beyond our own understanding, and trust in the God who loves us and holds us and has carried us through this.
We are continually overwhelmed at the people who are surrounding us and supporting us in a million ways. I feel like every single person has asked if there is anything they can do... and of course we just want your love and prayers. And if any specific needs come up, please know we will reach out and ask. We don't know how the day will unfold on the 12th, but we do plan on keeping you all updated as soon as possible. We do know that we will want to have time to be together and to process things on that day, and will reach out when we are able.
Thanks for being our "people" and for making our lives so rich. We are thankful.
Rob, Lara and Jane